Oct 5, 2015, 11:04 PM
My dearest Roger,
I would like to begin this correspondence in a nice way. Therefore, I have to ask: how are you today? What have you been doing since we last spoke? Most importantly, have you noticed anything...out of place...in the past few days?
Well, I can certainly assure you, I have been very busy, myself over these past few days. Between school, team building, and, of course, honing my skills in Smash as Zelda, the one character I feel truly feel as though I understand, I have had a lot on my plate, as you could imagine.
While I am on the subject, I seem to recall that you have always been one to enjoy Smash, correct?
Ah, yes, I remember now.
You always seemed to have an affinity for...oh, what's his name now?...Gandalf? Griswald? Ghirahim?
Wait! I've got it! Ganondorf!
Right, well, it seems then that our paths were destined to cross in this case, and it really is with a heavy heart that I must inform you...
Now that I have your full attention, we really should get to the more...business...side of this matter.
You see, I assume we both must realize the value of such a prisoner, and so I feel that we can very well reach a resolution that is suitable to us both.
Thus, we arrive at my demands:
Now, that's nothing too difficult, right? I feel that with your cooperation, this whole ordeal can be settled peacefully.
I send you all my love,
PK
P.S. I also really like ice cream. And Stantler. Feel free to substitute either as a ransom.
DISCLAIMER:The preceding is a work of satire. Please never take me seriously.
I would like to begin this correspondence in a nice way. Therefore, I have to ask: how are you today? What have you been doing since we last spoke? Most importantly, have you noticed anything...out of place...in the past few days?
Well, I can certainly assure you, I have been very busy, myself over these past few days. Between school, team building, and, of course, honing my skills in Smash as Zelda, the one character I feel truly feel as though I understand, I have had a lot on my plate, as you could imagine.
While I am on the subject, I seem to recall that you have always been one to enjoy Smash, correct?
Ah, yes, I remember now.
You always seemed to have an affinity for...oh, what's his name now?...Gandalf? Griswald? Ghirahim?
Wait! I've got it! Ganondorf!
Right, well, it seems then that our paths were destined to cross in this case, and it really is with a heavy heart that I must inform you...
WE HAVE CAPTURED AND CONTAINED YOUR PRECIOUS GANONDORF!
WATCH AS OUR PRINCESS MOCKS HIM!
WATCH AS OUR PRINCESS MOCKS HIM!
Now that I have your full attention, we really should get to the more...business...side of this matter.
You see, I assume we both must realize the value of such a prisoner, and so I feel that we can very well reach a resolution that is suitable to us both.
Thus, we arrive at my demands:
- First, I would like to discuss your dear and, shall we say, cunning, sister. You see, I have recently come to acquire a rather...interesting...title on these dear forums, thanks to her doing. I, unfortunately, don't find it to be incredibly interesting. Hint, hint.
- Second, with your powers as mod, I should like to nominate myself to be the high ruler of the forums, and therefore have to answer to anyone, including and ESPECIALLY myself.
- Finally, to prove your desire for this prisoner, I would say that a bucket of your tears, shed from such a loss, should be a sufficient offering to prove your desire for his safe return from me.
Now, that's nothing too difficult, right? I feel that with your cooperation, this whole ordeal can be settled peacefully.
I send you all my love,
PK
P.S. I also really like ice cream. And Stantler. Feel free to substitute either as a ransom.
DISCLAIMER:The preceding is a work of satire. Please never take me seriously.