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[ART] I need your help!!!
#4
Hey @"MistressGlaceon" I quite enjoyed your story! Just a few comments that I think could help you from my literature class experience.

1- The story is quite interesting indeed and very unique, but the way you're writting it is a bit strange; generally, you would want to a narrator that is either in the story, or an omniscient narrator that basically follows the characters, but using the reader as a narrator can work, but is generally harder and can sometimes end up a bit awkward.

2-The word choice was pretty good; you used enough adjectives and such so the reader can understand the situation better while also giving a more familiar vibe, which suits pretty well your story.

Other than that, there's some grammar/writting mistakes but that's just nitpicking. Good job on this one, and good luck on being a writer, I'd also love to be one :]

P.S.: Sorry for any grammar mistakes or weird sentences, I'm french and I sometimes mess up.
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Messages In This Thread
I need your help!!! - by Frost - Aug 8, 2016, 07:55 PM
RE: I need your help!!! - by wundrweapon - Aug 8, 2016, 08:27 PM
RE: I need your help!!! - by Frost - Aug 8, 2016, 08:30 PM
RE: I need your help!!! - by croissant - Aug 9, 2016, 07:02 AM
RE: I need your help!!! - by MagicalMops - Aug 10, 2016, 10:10 AM
RE: I need your help!!! - by Frost - Aug 9, 2016, 07:04 AM
RE: I need your help!!! - by croissant - Aug 9, 2016, 08:20 AM
RE: I need your help!!! - by Tomatoman1 - Aug 10, 2016, 10:25 AM
RE: I need your help!!! - by SenpaisLittleEevee - Aug 31, 2016, 12:41 AM
RE: I need your help!!! - by Hatonacat - Sep 12, 2016, 04:02 PM

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