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[MINI-SERIES] I Am An Axew - Weekly Updates
#11
You said the c word
(Oct 25, 2017, 11:05 PM)0kamii Wrote:
Recap

 A nameless Axew awoke on the shores of a strange island and found himself wandering down the beach. After finding no apparent signs of other inhabitants, he spotted a oddly lax Persian rolling around in the sand. Introducing themself as Ruby, Axew has many questions for the pokémon. About the island, and how they got there.

 
I Am An Axew - #02
 
How could he not know where we are? And why is he acting so callous?

Oh, well. Guess this guy's a bust. No one with half sense would be acting this relaxed in a situation like this. There's gotta be something wrong with him. Maybe I shouldn't be...what?!

Ew, ew, ew! I can't believe he just did that! Gross! Like I want Persian slobber all over my scales? Great, now I'm going to smell like phlegm for the next few days. Minimum. What is his problem? You don't just lick a mon's forehead like that! Have some respect for personal space, Ruby! Gees. What a character. I'm done with this guy.

Why would he tell me not to go in the forest? I'm an Axew! I come from a line of powerful Dragon-Type pokémon! I can handle myself perfectly fine. Hmph. Besides, it's just a normal forest, right? Some Bug-Types, maybe a Flying-Type here and there. Probably a Pikachu or two hiding somewhere because they tend to show up everywhere, no matter where you are. Bah, whatever. Focus. I need to find someone that actually knows what's going on here, and that keeps their tongue to themselves.

This may possibly the thickest forest I've ever been in. I can't see more than a few feet in front of me, and I don't think there's light coming down from the trees at all. Everything looks so dingy. There's a lot of noise around me, though. I can't really make out what it is. There's like...sounds of everything. I think I hear a Pidgey, and a Pineco, and is that a...a Grubbin? There's pokémon from Alola here? I've only ever seen trainers from the region with their partners on the mainland. What is this place? What island could harbor pokémon from all regions? There's a reason they live on separate continents! How can it...huh...?

Crap!

Did they see me? It doesn't look like it. What are they? I think the big one is a Vigoroth. All the way from Hoenn? And he's got some buddies. Looks like Patrat. Ugh, those eyes always freaked me out. What are they saying...? Ambush? Ambush what? Why would mons like these go around picking fights?

No, no. I think they heard that. Why did my stomach have to growl right now?! Oh no, they see me! I have to get out of here! Run, run back to the beach. Maybe then I can...ugh...no...w-what? They used Mean Look! I can't run, huh?!

These guys don't look friendly. Why are they staring at me like that? Those eyes make it worse. I can't stand it, I don't like where this is going. Wait, why is that one cleaning his teeth? What are they going to do? WHAT'S HAPPENING...?!

Whoa...did he just...?

Ruby. T-Thank you, I...I don't know what I should say. He just scared them off, just like that. I thought he was going to, you know what? Nevermind. I guess he was right about going in the forest. The pokémon here are unusually savage. I've never heard of a Patrat acting so devious. And then there's that Vigoroth, whatever his deal is...

Go with him? Well, yeah I guess. Not like I have much of a choice. I don't know where Ruby's taking me, but hopefully it'll have some nicer mons. Gosh, I have so many questions to ask.

- (10/26/2017)



Thank you for the continued support of this mini-series, especially these followers.

@RetroTyphlosion
@Mr. Ultracool
@moo311
@FireTaco

Next update will be next Wednesday. Thanks for reading everyone! Be sure to let me know how I'm doing in the thread. Battle onwards, friends!

- 0kamii
OU MASTER RACE
Reply
#12
@Kris

You mean 'crap'? So? There are far more offensive words I could've used. Did you at least like the rest of it?

- 0kamii
Amethyst Ωmega - Guild Leader/Founder 
 
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#13
I feel like the second log of this saved it, and I really hate to be one of those people who say this, but as long as there are more scenes (is that what you call it in a book?) like the one in the second story, this could be good.
Reply
#14
I am sure you've got a perfectly reasonable explanation but I had to Axew why you did this
@Kris
Reply
#15
@Reis

Thanks for the feedback, Reis. But if you don't mind my asking, what exactly was it that 'saved' it in the second entry? What was so bad about the first one?

@AverageJoe

I was going to say that you made me laugh at the funny pun, but now that your tag is directed for me, I can't say I understand. Did you mean why I made this? I figured that was clear in the synopsis above Entry #01. Am I missing something? Huh

- 0kamii
Amethyst Ωmega - Guild Leader/Founder 
 
Reply
#16
(Oct 26, 2017, 04:04 PM)0kamii Wrote: @Reis

Thanks for the feedback, Reis. But if you don't mind my asking, what exactly was it that 'saved' it in the second entry? What was so bad about the first one?

@AverageJoe

I was going to say that you made me laugh at the funny pun, but now that your tag is directed for me, I can't say I understand. Did you mean why I made this? I figured that was clear in the synopsis above Entry #01. Am I missing something? Huh

- 0kamii

@0kamii  Oops, I meant that first entry was not AS good as the second, not that it was bad. The first entry seemed a little slow and dragged out, although it was the introduction
Reply
#17
(Oct 26, 2017, 04:04 PM)0kamii Wrote: @Reis

Thanks for the feedback, Reis. But if you don't mind my asking, what exactly was it that 'saved' it in the second entry? What was so bad about the first one?

@AverageJoe

I was going to say that you made me laugh at the funny pun, but now that your tag is directed for me, I can't say I understand. Did you mean why I made this? I figured that was clear in the synopsis above Entry #01. Am I missing something? Huh

- 0kamii
 It was directed towards Kris, but I tagged you too because it's your "creation" It's cool Smile @0kamii I'll just take your name out then if it makes it more confusing. (the why was for kris but the comment was for you)
Reply
#18
@Reis

Ah, okay. Yeah, the first one was a bit odd, I admit. I'm not used to writing in inner monologues; that's a learning curve for me. It's like limited first person writing, just far more interactive. Like I have explain everything, as it happens through first person perspective, but in a way that makes it seem like a character's thought process as opposed to just dialogue.

It's complicated, but I appreciate the feedback. Hope you'll stop by next week for Entry #03.

@AverageJoe

Oi, I feel like a ditz. Sorry for the confusion. I guess ol' 0kamii can't take a joke. Well regardless, it was very punny. Blush

- 0kamii
Amethyst Ωmega - Guild Leader/Founder 
 
Reply
#19
@0kamii my dude, I highlighted cleaning
OU MASTER RACE
Reply
#20
@Kris

Ah, yes. So you have. I didn't see that. The dreaded c-word, cleaning! It's too much!

IT'S TOO MUCH! Tongue

- 0kamii
Amethyst Ωmega - Guild Leader/Founder 
 
Reply


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