[ART] I need your help!!!

[Frost]

Hey guys im writing a book and I need your opinion on it! Im hoping to become a writer and I need to know what people think. With that said here it is:


http://wattpad.com/story/80867191-your-dream

[wundrweapon]

I will go ahead and read this more thoroughly later, but at a glance, it looks very well done

[Frost]

(Aug 8, 2016, 08:27 PM)wundrweapon Wrote: I will go ahead and read this more thoroughly later, but at a glance, it looks very well done

Thank you! Please tell me what you think when your done

[croissant]

Hey @"MistressGlaceon" I quite enjoyed your story! Just a few comments that I think could help you from my literature class experience.

1- The story is quite interesting indeed and very unique, but the way you're writting it is a bit strange; generally, you would want to a narrator that is either in the story, or an omniscient narrator that basically follows the characters, but using the reader as a narrator can work, but is generally harder and can sometimes end up a bit awkward.

2-The word choice was pretty good; you used enough adjectives and such so the reader can understand the situation better while also giving a more familiar vibe, which suits pretty well your story.

Other than that, there's some grammar/writting mistakes but that's just nitpicking. Good job on this one, and good luck on being a writer, I'd also love to be one :]

P.S.: Sorry for any grammar mistakes or weird sentences, I'm french and I sometimes mess up.

[Frost]

@le2017 its fine and thank you so much, it really helps when you guys tell me your opinion.

[croissant]

(Aug 9, 2016, 07:04 AM)MistressGlaceon Wrote: @le2017 its fine and thank you so much, it really helps when you guys tell me your opinion.

Glad I could help @"MistressGlaceon" :]

[MagicalMops]

(Aug 9, 2016, 07:02 AM)le2017 Wrote: Hey @"MistressGlaceon" I quite enjoyed your story! Just a few comments that I think could help you from my literature class experience.

1- The story is quite interesting indeed and very unique, but the way you're writting it is a bit strange; generally, you would want to a narrator that is either in the story, or an omniscient narrator that basically follows the characters, but using the reader as a narrator can work, but is generally harder and can sometimes end up a bit awkward.

2-The word choice was pretty good; you used enough adjectives and such so the reader can understand the situation better while also giving a more familiar vibe, which suits pretty well your story.

Other than that, there's some grammar/writting mistakes but that's just nitpicking. Good job on this one, and good luck on being a writer, I'd also love to be one :]

P.S.: Sorry for any grammar mistakes or weird sentences, I'm french and I sometimes mess up.

^^^^
That

Lol i'm horrible at giving constructive feedback, but i'd definitely read it once it's finished  :D

[Tomatoman1]

Nice story! I want to know how it ends :P

[SenpaisLittleEevee]

Cewl

[Hatonacat]

Its really good.