I've never been much a fan of fan-fiction-esque writings, but I find this pretty entertaining. The first entry was a little lackluster, but it was the introduction, so it's excusable, especially when writing something like this. The second entry was much better, and the internal dialogue helped to convey imagery a lot better than it did the first time around. Overall, as a writer myself, I enjoyed it, and look forward to seeing more as the weeks go by!
Breeder Scott - Proud Member of the Amethyst 0mega Breeder's Guild
You know, you are the second person to tell me something of that nature. Can you maybe explain to me what made the first entry so slow? I asked @Reis, but he just said it wasn't AS good as Entry #02. I'm willing to accept criticism, but just saying that it was slow and then not telling me why doesn't help me improve.
What do you think, Scotty? Can you tell me specifically why it was lackluster ?
- 0kamii
P.S. Not to devalidate your comment. Feedback is always appreciated!
It's not that it was necessarily slow or boring or anything, it was just a lot more of describing things around the character than the character progressing, which is perfectly fine, I'm just more into the interactions between characters in any art form, which you displayed quite well in the second entry and the latter half of the first. It just felt like not much went on in the first chapter because of how much of it was spent describing the environment. But, it is a first person narrative, so I can't say describing things through the brain chatter of the character is bad, I'm just used to third person stories since that's what I enjoy reading. Certainly don't change how you write to please me or anyone else, just keep doing what you're doing. I can't wait until Wednesday to see where it goes!
Breeder Scott - Proud Member of the Amethyst 0mega Breeder's Guild
Well, thank you for the honesty. And thank you for the support. I can't promise that things will start picking up SUPER fast, otherwise it'd feel rushed. However, I assure you next week's entry will serve its necessary purpose. I just hope everyone understands why certain scenes are there. Movies would be boring if it was 2 hours of just car chases.
Nov 1, 2017, 08:33 PM (This post was last modified: Nov 1, 2017, 08:37 PM by 0kamii.)
Recap
After receiving a rather unexpected greeting from Ruby, Axew stormed off into the forest. There he realized that the strange land he now inhabits is populated by pokémon from all regions. Upon stumbling into a menacing group of wayward mons, Axew ran away. Unfotunately his new friends gave chase. Thankfully, Ruby came to the rescue and is now guiding Axew to where he does not know.
I Am An Axew - Entry #03
A village, he says? And by the mountain no less.
A long as we put as much distance between those goons and us as possible, I'd even go back to Castelia City. And you can't even breathe over there without tasting the smog. Eh, whatever. If everyone in this supposed village is as friendly as Ruby, everything should be okay. Wait, is friendly the right word?
Oi, I needed this rest. It feels like we've walked across the entire island. I wonder how much longer it'll be before we get there. Ruby probably knows. WHAT?! We're only halfway? H-How is that even possible? Ugh. Grumble grumble. My feet hurt, and my tusks are starting to make me feel top heavy. I could really do with a good night sleep. When we get there he says? Pfh. Yeah, whatever, Ruby.
I recognize these herbs. I think they're the same ones that grow in Unova back home. So the pokémon aren't the only things international here, the plants are too? That means I'd better watch out for tall grass. Can never step into that stuff without picking a fight with someone. Honestly, why do they do that? Huh...? Where do I come from? I'm an Axew! Where does he think I'm from? Has there ever been one of us that hasn't come from Mistralton Cave? Kalos. Since when can you find Axew in Kalos? Then again, I've never been to Kalos, so maybe I could be from there? Bleh, doesn't matter. At least this chit-chat is making the walk go faster.
We're here? But I don't see anything. Why's he making that noise? Oh, wow!
They built a drawbridge? That's incredible. And look at all the pokémon! Ekans, Houndoom, a Baltoy. Is that a Cranidos over there? I can't get over these structures! They've all used their powers to carve stone buildings out of the mountainside. Must be kind of chilly at night, though. Rock is not a good insulator. I don't see any stands or anything, though. Kind of feels more like a sanctuary than a village. I mean, us mons got to eat. If no one is trading or selling anything, how does anything get done? Does everyone here just help each other out because they want to? If that's the case, then...
The Queen? Who's this queen he's talking about? Guess I don't have much choice in the matter. If he wants me to meet her, I guess I'd better oblige.
Nice place she's got. A higher ceiling than the other structures I saw outside. That must be her over there by the wall. Is she a...a Pyroar? Well, she is a queen after all. I see Ruby is doing a curtsy, maybe I should too? Oh, she looks like she wants to speak.
Welcome to stay? Don't mind if I do. Better than out there with those ruffians running around. She'll answer any questions I have?! Oh, yeah! I've been waiting for this!
Now what should I ask first?
- (11/1/2017) Thank you all for the continued support on this series, and I look forward to bringing you all more content in the coming weeks. Next update will be Wednesday, so stay tuned for that. I know things are starting off slow, but if this mini-series had no build-up, it'd be a B-list action movie. People only love mock those movies, and this ain't that! I'd also like to tag all the followers of this series thus far. Thanks again, you guys!
After receiving a rather unexpected greeting from Ruby, Axew stormed off into the forest. There he realized that the strange land he now inhabits is populated by pokémon from all regions. Upon stumbling into a menacing group of wayward mons, Axew ran away. Unfotunately his new friends gave chase. Thankfully, Ruby came to the rescue and is now guiding Axew to where he does not know.
I Am An Axew - Entry #03
A village, he says? And by the mountain no less.
A long as we put as much distance between those goons and us as possible, I'd even go back to Castelia City. And you can't even breathe over there without tasting the smog. Eh, whatever. If everyone in this supposed village is as friendly as Ruby, everything should be okay. Wait, is friendly the right word?
Oi, I needed this rest. It feels like we've walked across the entire island. I wonder how much longer it'll be before we get there. Ruby probably knows. WHAT?! We're only halfway? H-How is that even possible? Ugh. Grumble grumble. My feet hurt, and my tusks are starting to make me feel top heavy. I could really do with a good night sleep. When we get there he says? Pfh. Yeah, whatever, Ruby.
I recognize these herbs. I think they're the same ones that grow in Unova back home. So the pokémon aren't the only things international here, the plants are too? That means I'd better watch out for tall grass. Can never step into that stuff without picking a fight with someone. Honestly, why do they do that? Huh...? Where do I come from? I'm an Axew! Where does he think I'm from? Has there ever been one of us that hasn't come from Mistralton Cave? Kalos. Since when can you find Axew in Kalos? Then again, I've never been to Kalos, so maybe I could be from there? Bleh, doesn't matter. At least this chit-chat is making the walk go faster.
We're here? But I don't see anything. Why's he making that noise? Oh, wow!
They built a drawbridge? That's incredible. And look at all the pokémon! Ekans, Houndoom, a Baltoy. Is that a Cranidos over there? I can't get over these structures! They've all used their powers to carve stone buildings out of the mountainside. Must be kind of chilly at night, though. Rock is not a good insulator. I don't see any stands or anything, though. Kind of feels more like a sanctuary than a village. I mean, us mons got to eat. If no one is trading or selling anything, how does anything get done? Does everyone here just help each other out because they want to? If that's the case, then...
The Queen? Who's this queen he's talking about? Guess I don't have much choice in the matter. If he wants me to meet her, I guess I'd better oblige.
Nice place she's got. A higher ceiling than the other structures I saw outside. That must be her over there by the wall. Is she a...a Pyroar? Well, she is a queen after all. I see Ruby is doing a curtsy, maybe I should too? Oh, she looks like she wants to speak.
Welcome to stay? Don't mind if I do. Better than out there with those ruffians running around. She'll answer any questions I have?! Oh, yeah! I've been waiting for this!
Now what should I ask first?
- (11/1/2017) Thank you all for the continued support on this series, and I look forward to bringing you all more content in the coming weeks. Next update will be Wednesday, so stay tuned for that. I know things are starting off slow, but if this mini-series had no build-up, it'd be a B-list action movie. People only love mock those movies, and this ain't that! I'd also like to tag all the followers of this series thus far. Thanks again, you guys!
If every entry was cyclical, the mini-series would be boring. I have to keep interest going from entry to entry somehow. Don't worry, though. You can ask all the questions you want come Wednesday.
After a reasonably long trek across the mysterious island, Axew and Ruby found themselves in a quaint little village populated by pokémon from many different regions. They were then invited into the residential palace, where the queen of the pokémon, Pyroar, offered to answer Axew's questions. Eager to inquire, Axew prepares his first questions.
I Am An Axew - Entry #04
I suppose I should start by asking her why I'm here. If she's the queen, then surely she'll know, right?
What now? The Bellowing Island? What does that even mean?
So...she's trying to tell me that a strange pokémon crash landed here after a meteor shower. Then afterwards, dozens of species began to appear on the island's shores for no explainable reason. Since then, she's led them in a peaceful existence, but is still no closer to discovering the origin of the strange force emanating from the island, nor how we're going to get home?
Well, isn't that dandy? For that matter...
A strange moan that echoes from the crater atop the mountain? Is that why they call it the Bellowing Island? Well, if that's the case, why don't they go up and check it out?
Oh, I see...they don't want to lose anyone else. I guess I can understand that. I certainly know the feeling.
Her home is quie nice, especially compared to all the stone structures outside. Oh, she even has an overlook too. Scared? Of course, I'm scared. I still have so much I want to ask, but even after everything she said I'm still so confused. What could've fallen from th sky? What makes the island moan as they say? I don't understand any of it.
Huh? Leave, why? Under attack?! From...from what? What could possibly have these pokémon all riled up like this? Don't they know how to defend themselves? What mon could be...
W-What?! A-a...a Garchomp! Here? Attacking?!
- (11/16/2017) Seeing as how this entry is going to be a double, I'll keep the resolution short. Thanks for the continued feedback and support on this mini-series, and I hope you'll scroll down to see what happens next.
